What is therapy?

There are many ways to conceptualize the meaning of therapy. For me, therapy is essentially a learning expedition of the self, done through an unusual form of conversation within a singular kind of relationship. The purpose of therapy is, I believe, to alleviate emotional pain by gaining knowledge about ourselves. I find that knowledge about ourselves is best sought by speaking about ourselves more freely and more openly than our societal norms typically allow us.

The more you learn about yourself the more you expand your freedom to make different choices- outside of therapy. However, speaking freely in therapy has also a more elusive transformative quality to it. That too can be described in many ways, but here is one that I personally like: Stories have tremendous power over us. In therapy you take the time to tell your story and examine it. You tell it, and you retell it, over and over again. In time you start to identify gaps, contradictions, inconsistencies, of which you have to somehow make sense. Essentially you begin to edit your story. You update it, you play with it, you mold it, you change it. Gradually you realize that what you have been doing is creating a new story , one more true to who you are and to what you want out of life.

Regardless of one’s immediate motivation for seeking out therapy, everyone comes with some open question that they have about their lives, a question to which they wish to find an answer. This question is seldom clear and straightforward. It often refers to something from your distant past that has mutated over time and has lingered to the present by latching on to contemporary concerns. It interferes with your life, it prevents you from experiencing joy, maintaining a sense of purpose, acting authentically (“being yourself”) or getting what you want or even knowing what it is that you want.

Your question would usually manifest itself in the form of something that we can call a "symptom" - a type of recurring behavior or pattern of relationships or certain feelings, bodily sensations, fantasies, at the heart of which there lies a mixture of (an excess of) pleasure and suffering. This “symptom” can provide immediate gratification while endangering your relationships, your health, your career, your peace of mind, your ability to love. It could seem irrational and senseless but there is always some old, internally coherent logic behind it, and in therapy we will be searching for that logic. That is how we would start formulating the question that you have about yourself. It would be our first major step. After that, we can continue to finding the answer.

Who can benefit from therapy?

If you have decided to seek out therapy you must have already recognized that your life is lacking or unsatisfying in some important way, and that you have at least partially made the decision to change it. However, ambivalence does not end there, nor is it expected that it would.

The world is unfortunately not a perfect place, and the people who influence us the most are always less then ideal and therefore can cause us the most severe and long-lasting damage. We all bear the scars of childhood and adolescence, we are all suffering, to some degree and in some way, from emotional pain.

Therefore, therapy can benefit anyone who has become aware of this pain and wants it to go away; anyone who has an open mind; anyone who is curious enough about themselves and is willing to experience a new dimension of their emotional and intellectual life; anyone who has a question, and that - we all do. Finally, therapy can benefit anyone who needs help.

It could help you figure out how to solve some concrete dilemma. It could help you understand - truly and profoundly understand - that your life is no one’s but your own, so you better take responsibility over it as much as circumstances allow you to. It could help you to view and treat yourself and others in a more nuanced and flexible way, to remove blind spots that have hindered your growth and happiness and to improve your capacity to communicate. It could help you to identify the underlying motivations to self-sabotaging behaviors, to learn to make healthier decisions, and to live more peacefully with mistakes from your past.